Dog in heat...!!

[bushmaster]

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for walk around
the block?"

Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat."

"What's that mean?" asked the child.

"Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."

The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for
a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat,
and to come to you."

Dad said, "Bring Belle over here."

He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside
with it to disguise the
scent, and said "OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and
only go one time round the block."

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with NO dog on
the leash. Surprised, Dad
asked, "Where's Belle?"

(YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!! ).......................

The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block,
so another dog is pushing her home."

[GREY OWL]

When someone sent me that joke I laughed my head off, hell I read it again, and I'm still laughing.

Grey Owl

P.S. Thanks bushman for bringing me out of my depression.

[Livtahunt]

now thats funny

[dsr]

An older farmer was riding a donkey to town when the donkey balked and could not be forced to budge. Along came a mechanic whom the farmer knew so he asked ,"How do I get this darned donkey going?".
The mechanic who knew how to start things said'" You put a bit of turpentine on a rag and rub it under the donkey's tail and I just happen to have a can of it here in my truck."
So the farmer did as instructed and the donkey took off like a shot. "Now how do I catch him ?" asked the farmer.
"Well ," said the mechanic'"you just rub a little under your own Tail."

[A.W]

[hatchet jack]

there was a young man setting in a doctors office messing with some bottles, the doctor came in & said stop playing with the bottles they might break & cut you. the doctor said that is rubbing alcahol in those bottles he said you know once i rubbed that on a womans belly & she passed a baby,,the little boy said that is nothing , i rubbed it on a cats ass & it passed a motorcycle.


hatchet jack

[gad]

[BigBird-VA]

The Marriage Counselor

The husband and wife go to a counselor after 26 years of marriage.
The counselor asks them what the problem is and the wife goes into a
tirade listing every problem they have ever had in the 26 years they've
been married. She goes on and on and on. Finally, the counselor gets up,
goes around the desk, embraces the woman and kisses her passionately. The
woman shuts up and sits quietly in a daze.
The counselor turns to the husband and says "that is what your wife
needs at least three times a week. Can you do that?"
The husband thinks for a moment and replies, "Well, I can get her
here Monday and Wednesday, but Friday I go hunting.

[BigBird-VA]

Once upon a time there were two brothers. One brother was always getting into trouble. The other brother, however, was very good. He was always kind to animals, helped elderly neighbors, and led an exemplary life.

As time went on, the brothers stayed in touch but were never close. The evil brother became a heavy drinker and a womanizer. The other brother was a devoted husband and father and supported many charities.

One day the evil brother died. Then, after a few years, the good brother passed away. He went to heaven and was rewarded with a happy afterlife.

One day, he went to God and asked, "Where is my brother? He died before me, but I have not seen him here in heaven."

God replied, "As you know, your brother led an evil life, so he is not spending eternity here in heaven. He has been sent elsewhere."

"I'm sorry to hear that," the good brother replied. "But I do miss him and wish I could see him again."

"You can see him if you wish," God said. "I will give you the power to gaze into hell."

So, the power was granted and the good brother gazed into hell.? Before long, he saw his brother sitting on a bench. In one arm, he held a keg of beer, and in the other, he cradled a gorgeous, young blonde.

The good brother turned to God and said, "I can't believe what I'm seeing. I have found my brother, and he has a keg of beer in one arm and a beautiful woman in the other. Surely, hell can not be that good."

God explained, "Things are not always as they seem. The keg has a hole in it. The blonde doesn't.

[awshucks]

Two ranchers are talking over coffee one morning. The 1st one tells his friend he doesn't think he'll get calves in the spring, as his only bull won't perform.. The 2nd one tells him he's heard of that problem before, it's called "lazy bull", and the vet has meds for it. The 1st one stops by the vets, gets the med. and goes home to give it to the bull. The next morning he looks out his window, and sure enough the bull is doing his job. A little later, he looks again, same thing, different cow. This goes on all day long. The next morning at coffee, he tells his buddy how well the med worked. His buddy says, "Gee, I wonder whats in it"? I don't know says the 1st rancher, "But it tastes like chocolate"

[dsr]

A couple in their late 80's went to a doctor complaing of their libidos growing less.The doctor asked,"When did you first notice this? The wife replied ,"Oh late last night or early this morning."

A Scotchman woke up one morning to find that his wife had died in her sleep the previous night.He excitedly rushed to the top of the stairs and yelled down to the house maid,"Mary! Mary! only cook one egg this morning!"

[A.W]

A Scotchman woke up one morning to find that his wife had died in her sleep the previous night.He excitedly rushed to the top of the stairs and yelled down to the house maid,"Mary! Mary! only cook one egg this morning!"

That was a rumour started by the English about "Scotsmen"

"Scotchmen" are men who drink SCOTCH.

Another rumour about the Scots is that it was two SCOTSMEN who invented copper wire.............They were arguing over a penny.