A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the
> yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Bear Removers."
>
>
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> He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes.
>
>
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> The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a
> baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull. "What are you going to do,"
> the homeowner asks?
>
>
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> "I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up
> there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear
> falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The
> bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back
> of the van." He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.
>
> "What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.
>
> "If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog." :
>
>
Bear on the roof
Moderator: Excalibur Marketing Dude
Bear on the roof
Happiness is when what you think,what you say,and what you do are in harmony.
That's cruel and unusual punishment!This guy was out hunting, and was getting checked out by a Game Warden. Suddenly, a sow w/ two cubs came upon them. The sow started growling and headed for the two men who took off running. The hunter stopped to tie a shoe lace. Game Warden says, "If we don't keep at it, we won't outrun the bear." Hunter replys, "I don't have to outrun the bear, just you. A couple more:
This Arkie is out bear hunting, Game Warden asks if he has license. "No, I don't" says the Arkie. "Well, I gotta take your bear and give you a ticket" says G. W. Next year same two meet. "Got a license" asks G.W. "Yes, I do" says Arkie. "Got a bear tag?" asks G.W. "No I don't" replys the Arkie. "Gotta take your bear and give you a ticket" says G.W. 3rd year, same two again. "Got a license"? "Yes I surely do" "Got a bear tag?" "Yes, I surely do." "Well" says the G.W. "I guess you're legal, finally. Nice bear, but how did he get those two bullet holes in his front paws"?? The Arkie says "Well, when I shined the light in his eyes".......
Arkie has a limit of squirrels, but no gun. Game warden asks how he got them. Arkie says "Well, officer, I'm so ugly, I just stare at them, they get nervous and fall out of the tree, breaks their necks." Game Warden says "That's the darndest thing I've ever heard". Arkie says, "Yeah, I used to bring the wife w/ me, but I had to leave her home this year, she was bustin em up too bad."
Arkie gets caught w/ limit of trout, but no pole. Game Warden is going to give him a ticket for fishing out of season. Arkie tells G.W. he can't do that, because these are his own personal trout that he keeps at home in a stock tank. Warden asks why he's got them at the river. Arkie says "For exersize". Warden asks how he gets them back once they've had enough exersize. Arkie says he just blows a whistle and they swim back to shore. Warden says "I have to see this" Arkie releases the trout. After about 15 minutes, Warden asks "Arn't you gonna blow the whistle for them trout?" Arkie says "What trout"
This Arkie is out bear hunting, Game Warden asks if he has license. "No, I don't" says the Arkie. "Well, I gotta take your bear and give you a ticket" says G. W. Next year same two meet. "Got a license" asks G.W. "Yes, I do" says Arkie. "Got a bear tag?" asks G.W. "No I don't" replys the Arkie. "Gotta take your bear and give you a ticket" says G.W. 3rd year, same two again. "Got a license"? "Yes I surely do" "Got a bear tag?" "Yes, I surely do." "Well" says the G.W. "I guess you're legal, finally. Nice bear, but how did he get those two bullet holes in his front paws"?? The Arkie says "Well, when I shined the light in his eyes".......
Arkie has a limit of squirrels, but no gun. Game warden asks how he got them. Arkie says "Well, officer, I'm so ugly, I just stare at them, they get nervous and fall out of the tree, breaks their necks." Game Warden says "That's the darndest thing I've ever heard". Arkie says, "Yeah, I used to bring the wife w/ me, but I had to leave her home this year, she was bustin em up too bad."
Arkie gets caught w/ limit of trout, but no pole. Game Warden is going to give him a ticket for fishing out of season. Arkie tells G.W. he can't do that, because these are his own personal trout that he keeps at home in a stock tank. Warden asks why he's got them at the river. Arkie says "For exersize". Warden asks how he gets them back once they've had enough exersize. Arkie says he just blows a whistle and they swim back to shore. Warden says "I have to see this" Arkie releases the trout. After about 15 minutes, Warden asks "Arn't you gonna blow the whistle for them trout?" Arkie says "What trout"
"Eze 18:21"